You know the feeling when you reach the top of the Ferris wheel and you can feel the fall is imminent? When your breath stops for a second and your intestines feel like they are going to come out any second? When you are so frightened of what is going to happen even before it actually does? Well, my twenties pretty much feel the same way. Having lived a sheltered life for so long, it is tough to think of the future. Suddenly, it all depends on you. And you feel so lost. You donâ€™t have anything or anyone to fall back on - your parents, Â your friends, your first prize in fifth grade spelling bee. All your past achievements feel pretty small, when it is time to take adult decisions. Decisions which could possibly change the course of your life (or not!). Everyone around you has made concrete plans and is raring to go, and you… Well, you are still stuck thinking. Ever felt that way?
As a kid, I remember I would stand proudly in front of the mirror, wearing my momâ€™s dupatta as a sari, and her bangles as my earrings, and I would try to imagine what I would look like when I was ‘all grown upâ€™. I did not how big was ‘all grown upâ€™ but, I always believed, without a doubt, that I would be someone great (and have really long hair!). I could not define what it meant to be great, but I knew that is exactly what I was going to be. I am twenty now and I am not quite sure anymore.
Great feels like something to big for me. Â Sometimes, I find myself standing in front of the mirror, looking for that little girl inside. I donâ€™t see her in me anymore. It has been a long time, hasnâ€™t it? After all, I am all grown up now.